A couple having a little fun in the bath tub was the seed for an idea that grew into WTF.
At an undisclosed location, deep in the heart of Iowa, arose an idea that birthed the voice of a generation. It was there (as well as several other places) that Dr. Johnson sowed the seeds of invention, giving life to a misconceived notion that all balls were, indeed, created equal. There, Dr. Johnson became convinced that a better ball could be created – one into which the mojo of the doctor himself was infused.
Spending hours upon hours (yes, an uncomfortable amount of hours) in an isolated lab researching the topic of performance, he discovered that his dream of high output personal care novelties was possible. In fact, he would argue, they were essential to the existence of a non-binary humanity. And, having taken an oath to always service humanity whenever possible, he began to focus on his junk … nay … jewels.
Then crafted, as if from the hand of Zeus himself, Dr. Johnson’s jewels were put on display and began to draw public attention. Their performance was unprecedented. Their quality was incomparable. And their legacy lives on in the silent memories of every woman – and precisely 17 men - who attended the Iowa State Fair in the fall of 2017.
Could it be that Dr. Johnson had discovered the secret to providing unparalleled pleasure?
In a frenzy, women throughout southeast Iowa (or at least within 15 miles of the 52635 zip code) were throwing caution to the wind and, leaving their clothes behind, sunk into Dr. Johnson’s frothy paradise. Their stories now recounted only in the annals of Iowan folk lore, the mystery of Dr. Johnson remained urban legend for nearly eighteen and a half months, until he was fully exposed.
Now, available only through WTF Novelties, you can share in the pleasures which once began as merely a seedling in Johnson’s head, yet birthed a load of innovation. Direct from Johnson’s head to your tub, experience satisfaction as you never have before and float away in aromatic bliss.
Naysayers be damned, we fully support Johnson’s balls. And you will too!
You've never experienced balls like these. We invite you to get closer, much closer, and experience first-hand, what's inside our deliciously fizzy balls. We think our balls are special, but don't just take our word for it. We invite you to discover them for yourself.
Here we go again, Barbara. Just so you know, we don’t try to fit everybody’s lifestyle. In fact, independent research has demonstrated that four out of five individuals found us offensive. And, to that one brave individual, we say “Cheers!” You’re our kind of people. For the record though, we don’t think we’re offensive. We think you’re just choosing to be offended. I mean, what harm are we doing?
Chubb will be glad you asked! But, since you asked, Chubb is the man responsible for our quality control. We call him “Inspector of All the Balls.” And, as you’ll soon find out, Chubb ensures that our balls are in tip-top shape before they reach your tub. Inspected by hand, and handled with love, Chubb aims to please. Got a bone to pick with Chubb? Text him directly at 947.208.6169.
Thank you! We agree. And, although great-smelling balls can be satisfying, they can also be deceptive. Our balls are not meant to be put in your mouth (or in any way swallowed). Should you have accidentally done so, please contact Poison Control immediately by dialing 800.222.1222. (Keep out of reach of children.)
Not only are these real bath bombs, they are the best balls your backside has ever felt. Our humor may be a little jaded, but don’t let that fool you. In fact, let it inspire you the same as it has for us. We think brains are sexy, so enjoy our gentle, scientific homage to the seldom-laid, but secretly hilarious world of nerd-dom.
As with most great things, it takes a lot of great minds. And WTF Novelties is no exception. We’re a team of great people, all following a single Johnson … Dr. Johnson, that is.
Just the sound of that question sends shivers as deep as my very soul, but we get asked this frequently. We strongly recommend that you let our balls perform as directed, as some are formulated to time release.
While our products are not made with nuts, they may come in contact with some nuts in the process.
We believe in safety first, but prefer to use nitrate gloves rather than latex. No worries.
Never, ever do we test products on animals. We test them on humans! So far, so good.
I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t like our balls, but if you do experience a problem, contact Chubb Kaufferman at 947.208.6169. He’s our quality guy.
Our balls always aim to please. Contact us immediately if you have a problem.
Consider moving to Canada.
We find that many of our givers prefer to be anonymous, so it has to remain our little secret for now. We do, however, suggest paying it forward. Share our balls with your friends too!
"So, I’m out on this date last week. It was a good time, right up until “the incident.” I’ll blame the one-too-many drinks I consumed before the Uber ride back to my place, but needless to say, things got awkward. First time - and I’m pushing rope. You know?
Not knowing how to recover from that kind of embarrassment, I decided to take my chances and make it funny. Without calling ahead of time, I stopped over a couple of days later and brought a WHISKEY DICK bath bomb as my way of apologizing. Not only did it break the ice, but we got to enjoy it together. Round 2, no problems."
